(no subject)

Wow. I have come to a rather interesting crossroad. Three different paths I can take...but I don't know if any of them are correct. To the right I have a phoenix; straight ahead, a crow; to the left, a hummingbird;..or if I backtrack, a hawk. So technically four paths, but I still don't know if another bird will appear, creating another path.

So what's with the bird references? I dunno, it fits somehow, and each bird symbolizes each of the paths I can go down. I don't really feel like going into more detail. Let's just say that work left me a lot of time to think, plus a phone call before I went to work. It's maddening, this feeling of indecisiveness, but right now it's all I can really think about. I can't stand in the middle of the road forever...but only one path is somewhat easy. The other two-or three, depending on how you look at it, both are insanely hard, but they could all have insanely awesome consequences...eventually. They'll take a long time to travel, while the hummingbird path can bring gratification now.

Have I lost you all yet? If not, I'm surprised, as I almost lost myself. But it makes sense, to me at least.

Eh, anyway, today was...weird. The weather was crazy, my schedule was insane, plus I've been thinking too much. Again. What else is new though? Nothing specific this time- aside from wondering about the path to take. No one has done anything wrong, or made me mad or depressed...I'm just....thinking. 'tis kinda interesting, some of the stuff I've come up with.

And maybe my creative spurt wasn't as potent as I thought. I'm tired. Going to sleep now. Been up since 7, and for a college student, that's a big deal.

So I'll leave you with this.

( The Reason )

Warning. Crappy old poetry post

Okay. I'm in a good mood now. In my "bishounen" notebook, I found a ton of poems I wrote a while back that were so dark and depressing it was funny. For this one, I wasn't in a bad mood when I wrote it, in fact I meant for it to be something of a spoof, as the writing community I was then a part of didn't like happy poems, so I purposely wrote a 'gothic' poem. Although, now that I look at it again, it's not so bad.

Reaching

Bloodied bones and broken soul
Leaking through the toxic mess
Bleeding into the sweet abyss
flailing arms reaching for nothing
seeking a non-existant peace
falling into the darkest pit
no quintessential hero to save the bloody day
just a lonely tailspin
reaching at nothing
in an effort to stop the fall
Desperately wishing for one simply break
something to grasp and believe
all the while still falling
endlessly streaming into the realm of darkness
scared of the hands that don't help
and just aid in the descent
own hands assisting, a bloody mess
not realizing
just reaching for nothing.

Kinda funny, when you look back on stuff you wrote a while ago and wonder what you were thinking. I have a poetry notebook back from 2000-2001 that is completely filled with..shit. The poems aren't so bad, but the subject matter? Completely different story. *cracks up* I will NEVER tell anyone who the subject of the following poem is...because it was actually written from both a friends POV and my own right before she went through a nasty breakup and I was going through some pretty radical emotional rollercoasters.

( Unfaithful )

Okay. So maybe the early poems were crappy. ^_^ But...I don't care. At the time I thought they were genius. And ooooooh dear. Going through this notebook is hilarious. I just found another one, but I'd kill myslf before sharing it. *cackles* It's all in the subject matter.

Oooh! Here's another dark gothicy one! w00t!

( Untitled )

I was such a dork.

It is really REALLY funny going back to old things. Pathetic, almost though. At least I know I improved...well, not in the poetry department, my poems still suck.