Tonight Corinne was talking on the phone to someone, and she said something like "None of the guys I'm attacted to are partiers. The ones at the club..none of them really..jumped out at me." ..And then I came to a realization. While different..mine and her situation is much the same. The guys the show interest in me..I don't like...yet the ones I like? Well..they either don't know I exist, or aren't looking for a relationship...or something of the sort. So I'm now wondering if I'm just being picky.
I mean...I'm wondering if I should just go with someone that really cares about me, even though I don't care so much, rather than waiting for 'Mr. Right." ...But then again, if I'm not happy...well..I can't pretend forever. Or maybe I can, but I'd be miserable.
You know...that really is a dumb question. I mean...Of course I'm never going to put up with being with a guy I don't like..I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I'm really pessimistic right now. I mean..I know I'm young and whutnot, and that I have time, but still..it's annoying me. I suppose we all go through days like this though. I'd really like to know the answers though.
But at least I'm working on my whole self-esteem problem. Tonight at bible study Jenny was really supportive. So..slowly I'm working on that. And as soon as I get money, I'm going to go shopping and get clothes that *I* like, not what is nessecarily the fashion. I mean..I'm not one of the 'normal' girls, so why should I dress like them? Hmm..Just need to figure out how to make electrical tape work right..*coughs* That and last night Kyle said "Since when do you care about what people think of you?"...and I guess he's right. I need to stop it. When I didn't care, I was happy, but now that i do (sorta) I'm miserable again.
So...maybe I will wear black lipstick tomorrow. Maybe I will dye my hair pink and black and purple.
And maybe the answers will come.
Simple back then
Can't ever be simple again.
Stick out your tongue at the ones you didn't like
or that you did
Now you'd be branded strange
But maybe such a simple action
From the time of childhood
is all that this world needs
Just stick out your tongue
Maybe they'll stick it out back
That meant they actually liked you
And you secretly liked them.
Simple back then.
Not like now
When you have to toss and turn
Fighting your fears and tears
Just to let them know
You either hate them or love them.
I want my childhood back
I want things to be simple again.