SPQR

Feb. 5th, 2003 08:44 pm
katiroth: (Default)
Let's see here. Yet another boring day, yet another boring topic. Absolutly nothing exciting happened today...other than Lissie is miffed because I didn't lather her adaptation of Titus Andronicus with praise on flyaway and was actually...gasp...agreeing with crazythorn on many points. That...and Elane STILL isn't talking to me. All because I told her that she was trying too hard to be punk. ....I'm sorry, but wearing cut off jeans in -3 degree temperature just because Good Charlotte or some other Neo-Punk band is trying too damn hard...and yes, it IS poserism! It is the worst form of it, too! Isn't the whole concept of 'punk' to be a noncornformist?

By dressing exactly like these bands and such....isn't that conforming? Damn...be your OWN person for once. Don't try to be something you're not. I hate it when people think they have to be exactly like someone else to be accepted. And yes...while Elane is certainly unique in our school...She's still not in the rest of the world. There are thousands upon thousands of people exactly like her in the way they dress, talk, and listen to music. As Xero, from UFF9 likes to say.. "You're unique. Just like everyone else."

Sigh. That brings up another point. Am I a hyprocrite for talking about Elane that way? Can I call myself a non-poser? Maybe, maybe not. I listen to whatever I like...and it doesn't matter if the band is a 'sellout' or not...if I like it, that's what matters. I also dress how I want to dress. But because I don't go blatantly out of style with my clothing...well, according to people like Elane, I'm not cool enough to be around. Grumble. So my mother won't let me dye my hair purple...at least I have a job opportunity. She says "Oh, I'll just work at Hot Topic.."....You and the rest of the posers out there with the green hair.

Hot Topic. That store simply drives me insane. Everyone, including a few of the preppier people at my school are like "Oh my gosh! it is like..the kewlest store out there!"...And yes, I know they don't actually say "kewl" but they're the kinda people who DO type that stuff. And yes...it also includes "U" "R" "2" and other such disgusting displays of a lack of intelligence....Eh, back on subject. Don't these people understand that Hot Topic is just as much of a tool of society as the Gap! Overcharging for punk and goth clothing...when half the people don't even know the meaning! I will admit that I am neither, so I have little room to talk, but these wannabe's just...drive me insane.

Hmm...maybe I'm being a little harsh. After all, I could seriously be called a hypocrite for this...but you know what? To hell with all of you people who judge me, for whatever reason. It could be because I'm slightly overweight. Well..screw you, I've lost about 20 pounds healthily in the last 2 months, unlike you who puke it up, or don't eat at all. I am closer to my ideal weight than ever before...and even though I was never obese to begin with...I am still healthier than you. But ooooh...you 110 pound people always bewailing that you're "soooo fat". Go suck a dead bear. So my hair isn't picture perfect every day. Zippideedoodaday. I prefer not to get up at 4:30 am just to make every strand of hair do exactly what it's supposed to. Ha...just wait until your hair falls out from all the crap you put into it! ....Oooh...and let's not forget the clothing issue. I don't wear Abercrombie and Fitch. Get over it.

Yes, I am being a little too overbearing, but live with it. To quote the infamous song...

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
and I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way



And oooh..Rome kicks all ass.
katiroth: (Default)
I'm sick...I'm tired...I have to go to St. Louis tomorrow and I will prolly puke...but oh well. It could be worse. Mike could be coming along. He is so frickin' clingy and possessive...plus he's not getting a tux for prom. *grumbles* Yeah, that bugs me a bit. Yes, he has a nice suit..but still...the jerk could have saved some cash ya know! I'm paying for pictures...I'll prolly end up paying for dinner too.

Why am I so stupid, getting into a relationship that is so one sided? And yes...it's one sided on Mike's side. I'm so frickin worthless as a girlfriend. I just know that I'm destined to be alone forever. Yeah, sure I have Max...but still...what are the chances of anything coming out of it? Distance kills everything. Why must my life suck so?

And also, Shawn is the biggest jackass in the world. I know that I act like I don't care what people think, but I do. His words hurt. I know that I am not gorgeous...but I am not ugly either. Yet when someone thinks I am, it hurts so much. ...but does anyone care? Not really. Everyone is too wrapped up in thier own lives to even care about me. And the one who acts like he cares (ie Mike) I can't stand to be around for any longer than a few hours at a time...ot at school, a few minutes.

What is wrong with me? Why can't people understand? I do have feelings. I am not some robot or something that people can just talk about endlessly. Oh wait. They prolly don't talk about me. I'm even below their scorn.

Life sucks dead bears. I am sitting here at the damn computer crying my eyes out...all over something stupid like this. Why does it bother me?

And I just looooooove how after I dissapear from chat I don't even get an IM from Max...

As I said...life sucks dead bears.
katiroth: (Default)
For those of you out there who don't know, I live a double life. On one side I am the happy-go-lucky high school student who doesn't care what people think. That me is Mike's girlfriend, Justin and Sylvia's best friend...teacher's pet in most classes, and top honor student.


But in my other life, the 'fake' one...I am who I really am. I am the scared person who needs people, I am the angsty and slightly depressed teenager. And in this 'non-reality' I have found love.


But right now I need to talk about my 'real' life. Sometimes I really wonder if Sylvia didn't get mixed up with the whole boyfriend thing. Mike is possessive as hell..she likes that, I hate it. Justin likes his freedom, I love mine too. Sylvia wants someone there all the time, as does Mike. I like to just go around and do what I want. Same for Justin. And it seems as though Mike and Sylvia spend more time together..and I KNOW Justin and I spend more time together. *shrugs* pretty annoying, actually.


Ugh. Life is so confusing. At least there is one thing I am sure of.

I really do love.

But yet at the same time, I am so scared to lose him...it scares me to death.

So anyway...since I am on borrowed time, I'm going to shut up.

And one more thing...opening night is tomorrow night. Whoooeee! Katy gets to dress all goth-girl like for the play! *dances off into the ever-poetic night*
katiroth: (Default)
People suck. Simple as that.


SWTA is going down. Brandon's still incredibly um..uh..unhappy...PE still sucks....I'm still sick. Tasha and April are going to be in pain....and to top it off, I have this really really really weird feeling...a mix between anticipation and dread. It really sucks.

Anyways...enough on that.

Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Gonna run away and never say goodbye
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away and never wonder why
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away and open up my mind
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind



Le sigh.
katiroth: (Default)
Whoo hoo. I am in sooo much of a better mood today. Yeah, sure I almost passed out in PE, and felt sick enough to skip church, but I feel quite a bit better.

Well, last night at 10, mom comes home and starts yelling at me for being on the computer...we get into it for about an hour....BUT...because of our lil... argument.. I am getting a car, a job, an allowance, a computer, and soon a PS2. Muah. I can be so manipulative at times. But YIPPI! A car! If I had a frickin car, then I would ahve a life. but my mom didn't understand that until last night. Oh well, it's ok now.

I also decided today that I love Orlando Bloom. So dreamy...ooh..yum..er..Uh, anyways, I finally got the LotR movie guide that I have wanted for...forever..and I just spent all evening staring at him as Legolas. I almost gotta feel sorry for Orli. He goes from being a relative unknown to having a HUGE rabid fan girl base. But I love his hair. Yeah. he looks kickass with the blonde wig..but when we get to the black mohawk...ooooh....yum..erm. I really should stop that. People might think I have turned into a stereotypical teenager. one in love with a movie star.

Well you know what? I don't really give a flying rat's ass if you think I'm 'stereotypical' or not. For once I need to be normal and develop a crush on a movie star. Live with it.

Anyways, this is my song for tonight. Then I'm gonna shut up and RP.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I Don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
And I don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am


And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am



Now if on;y my Cloud would get his ass back in chat....
katiroth: (Default)
Life sucks..big time...I don't know what I want. I want freedom, but at the same time, all I really want is security...but I'm a frickin flirt..I can't help it...I've gotten to be a flirt at school..on-line..everywhere...I want danger and excitement. I CRAVE adventure...I want it badly..but at the same time, I really don't want it. I just want to be loved by someone...


But then again...what do I REALLY want? Do I really want someone to hold me..to love me..or do I really just want to be left alone, to live out this miserable existance known as my life? Dammit, I AM miserable...I don't know what I really want. I even find myself doubting my faith in God..and that scares me. I don't know what to do...


I finally got today what I thought I wanted..and you know...as of right now, it is still what I want. For more than a year, i wanted this one thing..and now I have it...but it ended up hurting someone else beyond words..So now I am wondering if it is really what is good for me. DAMMIT I hate hurting people!


The good things of yesterday are eclipsed by this..


Life sucks.

katiroth: (Default)
Stalkers are evil. I guess that kinda goes without saying..but really...stalkers are just plain mean and evil. Sure, we got people like Stevee..but he doesn't count. However, the real one I had is just plain...evil.


Whenever I even see his screen name in chat, my blood freezes...this jackass came so incredibly close to making me loose the 'net forever. He deserves death for that, in my opinion. But then again..I tend to overreact...It comes with my heritage. ^_^


ANyways..I just felt I had to write that...because..well..he was just in chat. I know his threats are idle..but that doesn't keep me from worrying. I mean, what if he really DID have friends in the FBI, who were corrupt enough to mess with just a kid from the middle of no where?..I know that I'm just overreacting..but I'm scared.


At least he'll never read this.


At least I hope not.


ANYways, onto other news...Role Playing today was pretty good. Lacey is sooo much fun to RP. Its kinda funny to freak people out. It's too bad that people get freaked out by a cannibal, though. Haven't they ever read Hannibal? Hehe...Ameh is so dead for turning me into a lecteraholic.


Speaking of which...3 days until I see Ameh, and Kimmeh, and JQish, and Brent! ...And Brent should be wearing pants this time, tee hee...oh dear...did I just say "tee hee?"...yeah..I did...SOMEONE HELP ME!..I'm turning into Selphie!..Oh well..at least she's not slutty Rinoa..though her outfit is more slutty, lmao.

Oops..I got off the subject I was on...As I was saying, Lacey is fun to RP..I coulda easily killed some guy today..but I didn't...He was nice, and not a newbie. Then I got Pat to RP wif me...that was fun..He has improved BIG TIME!...I was having trouble keeping up with him, as crazy as that sounds. He has a gift for writing, whether he thinks so or not..tee hee. Angel is fun to RP...But I really gotta quit using trannies from other RP sessions in my new ones...thats newbieish..but I simply don't always feel like writing. Then ...well...


Dramatic pause...


...


...


Joey and I RPed!!!!! After he was done with his show..which was awesome..btw, we RPed as Cora and San..it was sooo great to RP wif him...No longer did I have to worry about impressing anyone with my post length. Thats kinda nice, if ya think about it...and now we're having some SWTA RP going on. Teehee..Fiera and Xavier...that NEVER woulda happened pre-reset, lmao...and now I'm in as Mariah..but thats boring..she doesn't have much to do. Oh well..my hands hurt..I've been at the computer all day. So I shall say good night.


Goodnight.

katiroth: (Default)
Wow...Day one. Finally I got an account, thanks to Sandra, and got this thing DLed. ^_^. Whoo hoo...how exciting. ANyways..what to talk about...hmm. Well, if you're reading this, then you prolly know me...as the writer, role player, etc.



So here we go..just some random stuff. Well...uh..dang it. I don't know what to say. Basically, I just feel like RPing right now. But nothing interesting is even happening in ayenee. RP is just plain dead everywhere. And that SUCKS!...oh well. No one ever said life was fair.



I really wish it was sometimes, though. Because in that case, Brian wouldn't have a girlfriend back in Denmark..and he wouldn't even have to go back to Denmark after this year is over. *sobs* And if life was fair, then Sephiroth would be a real person, and be my boyfriend..^_^...Same with Zechs and Trunks, too, lmao.



Ok, so I'm weird. Whats wrong with being weird? I see nothing wrong with it! Being weird is fun! Just like my cannibal character..she's a lotta fun to RP, simply because she's weird. People look at me rather funny, though. ^_^.



YIPPPPPPIII! Only 3 more days until I get to see Ameh again! I can't wait! Me, her, JQ, Brent, and Kimmeh are gonna Time Warp randomly in the mall. *grins all evil like* That'll be...interesting But interesting is good.



ANyways, I'm gonna shut up now, and try to find some decent RP...like that'll ever happen.

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katiroth: (Default)
katiroth

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