katiroth: (Default)
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart

Psalms 37:4


Wow. I have more to think about from just one morning than I do from the last few days. Well...not entirely true, but close enough. Anyway...this morning when my alarm buzzed at 8:30 I was like "eh...crap." I soo did not want to get up. I even skipped a shower (I took one yesterday afternoon, so it's not like I stunk or something :) ) in order to sleep a ha;f hour later..and still dragged myself up and out of bed. Then Jenny was a little late, but t'was all right. So we drove to church and got there about 3 minutes late...but so did the rest of our little group of college girls. So we slipped in after prayer, had praise and worship (Which was awesome. I would love to just have a Sunday where we did nothing but sing) and then Brad started preaching.

The premise of the sermon was how we were planned for God's pleasure. Our bulletin's had this in it-

The moment you were born into the world, God was there an an unseen witness, smiling at you birth. He wanted you alive and your arrival gave him great pleasure. Bringing enjotment to God, living for his pleasures if the first purpose of your life. You are a child of God, and you bring pleasure to God like nothing else he was ever created. Anything you do that brings pleasure to God is an act of worship. Worship if multifaceted and is not a part of your life- it is your life. We are told to "worship him continually" and to "praise him from sunrise to sunset"

No. This doesn't mean that every waking moment we are to say "Yay God!" It means that when we're doing what we do, it should be pleasing to God. ...And no, we're not going to be able to do that all the time, we are only human and far from perfect...but let me continue.

What brings pleasure to God? Using our talents, the talents that he has given us. My talent is writing. So every time I write, I am worshipping. Kinda makes me wonder why I don't more often...but I think this could be my motivation. I mean..I'm not exactly a model Christian..not by any means, but I do have a desire to draw closer...but the "normal" stuff like Bible reading and whutnot..just doesn't interest me. So when I write...I am using my ability to delight God.

What really made this hit home was as Brad was preaching, he was talking about talents and how everything can be used to glorify God..and he goes on a thing where he says "If you're an accountant, do it for God, if you're a farmer, you're worshiping"...and when he said "If you can write- do it"...he was looking right at me (And since I've only been going there for a few Sundays, he doesn't even know me, heh)...and I was like "whoaaaaaaaa."

So yeah. I have two main talents. Writing and the ability to empathize with people. And together..they could be a rather frightening combination. ^_~

And there was something else almost completely unrelated that Brad went into during the sermon.

God allows trouble in life to work on our character- because we take out character with us to Heaven- not our comfort.

We've all heard the "It'll build character" speel, often from parents...but when I look at it in that light, it makes a lot more sense. still royally sucks..but at least makes sense.

And now for song spammage.

Into You )
katiroth: (Default)
Forever Love )

I love that song. 'tis the ending theme of X/1999, but I posted it in English, so people could actually understand it. Anyway, I'm still kind..mehish. Next week will be the week from hell, too. >.< Monday will be okay. Pysch, Ethics, Spanish...Tuesday through Sunday...eh...complete 'nother story. I discovered that I shall have to cut Anthro and Computers to work wardrobe for Miss Saigon..and then Wednesday should be all right, normal class stuff...but Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday..and Sunday, I believe, I get to work the show. Sigh. I'm almost afraid to, because if Brian puts me somewhere where I don't know how to do something..ergh. I'll just die.

I'm already having nightmares about it. Last night I dreamt that I was working the show and the performing all got sick, but the show had to go on, so we techies were given scripts and told to go out there. >.> Normally that would be like.."OMG! I AM SO HAPPY!" but the performers that weren't sick were so snotty to us and I tried to use a fan to hide the script, but they took that away and made me use a folder. O.o ...So then I'm trying to get my lines out, but the book isn't highlighted and the stage is dark, so I screw up.

Sigh. At least it is completely impossible for that to happen..but I'm still scared about that show. I've never worked a huge show, just the symphony and small venues. I just don't want to screw up.

At least I got the party at Amy's this weekend. :)
katiroth: (Default)
Kill Bill. Fuckin' awesome.

Anyway, I finally got to see it tonight, my university shows semi-new movies every week, and this was Kill Bill night. Anyway, I was really looking forward to it, as the girl who plays Gogo also played one of my favorite Battle Royale characters...and I'm a sucker for action movies. I love blood and gore. I'm just that weird. Anyway, I didn't get to see it in theatre's because of the whole money thing. Yeah. Meh..so finally..(I swear, I'm getting to the point!) I got to see it..and I was completely floored.

HOLY CRAP! I was sitting there with my mouth wide open for most of the movie, perched at the edge of my seat. It was like...wow. From the opening scene to the last line, it was..awesome. I adored the anime sequence telling of O-Ren Ishii's childhood, and of course, Chiaki Kuriyama as Gogo was everything I expected from Chigusa.

And the shocker at the end, when Bill is talking to Sofi..asking if The Bride knows that certain spoiler..I had sorta kinda seen it coming, but not exactly...so yeah. Another shocker.

Now...GIVE ME VOLUME 2!!!

(yes, yes. Directly c/ped from my UFF9 post)



Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly
Count your blessings, seduce a stranger
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness yeah...

Over and over and over and over and

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by

I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal
When will we learn? When will we change?
Just in time to see it all come down...
Those left standing will make millions
Writing books on the way it should have been

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic jacuzzi
We are like frogs oblivious
To the water starting to boil
No one flinches, we all float face down

She woke in the morning
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning
Don't ever let life pass you by...
Pass you by...
katiroth: (Default)
So yeah. In anthropology today we were talking about initiation rites, rites of passage and whutnot. Pretty standard anthro stuff, nothing new to me..but while doodling in my notebook rather than listen to my professor, I came to a realization. In so many cultures, people my age are already married or set to be, or in their career...basically..all grown up. They know how they are, their identities are set by now. Sure, There's probably more than I think that are still struggling, but in so many so-called "primitive" (One of these days I'll have to post my essay on why no culture is primitive..but, heh..back on subject) cultures, people know what they're supposed to do, what's expected of them.

Sure...it's good that in our culture we have the different choices, but argh..it's maddening to have to figure this stuff out. Last semester I read a really good article about arranged marriages in India, and I'm wondering, with all this garbage going on right now, if that's not such a bad idea. ....Well..it probably is, as I would NEVER trust my parents with something of that magnitude, but it's an interesting concept. Especially since I can't trust myself. ..That's right. I can't trust myself. My emotions are too screwy to bank on right now..and I'm afraid that it's going to be like that forever. I know..I know. Nearly everyone goes through this, but it's maddening.

Hell, life itself is maddening. I want to know the answers.

I want to know who I am.
I want to know where my life is going.
I want to know my place.
I want to know who I'm going to spend it with.

I'm sick of waiting. I am not a very patient person, and couple that with my thoughts....well....Sigh. Not a pretty picture. I think I'm still placing myself too highly, I want to believe that everything's about me. It's not though...so I gotta get out of that mindset. Still..t'would be nice if this one thing I'm right on. Doubt it though. So I'll just be content with being jealous.


Lyric Spammage )
katiroth: (Default)
Oh, oh, oh.
Take the path of least resistance
To the great unknown
No directory assistance
Now you're on your own
If you're looking for a new world
Just open up your eyes
Because it's.
(chorus)
Not Quite Paradise
But it sure feels like home
Not quite paradise
We can rent to own
It'll be all right
No it's not quite. paradise

Tomorrows an illusion
Yesterdays a dream
Today is a solution
But you've got to let it be
And if you're looking for the answer
It's right before your eyes
Although it's.
(chorus)
Not Quite Paradise
But it sure looks like home
Not quite paradise
We are not alone
It'll be all right though it's not quite. paradise

Somewhere from the edge of time
When the poets die the words
don't rhyme I'll call you up and say
We made it okay
Somewhere in the back of your mind
When you see your demons come to life
And the world just fades away
You'll know it's okay
Oh, oh oh.
It's gonna be okay
Oh, oh oh.
(chorus)
But it's not quite paradise
But it sure feels like home
(Not quite paradise) Make this place our own
(Not quite paradise) We can rent to own
(Not quite paradise) We don't have to be alone
(Not quite paradise)


I apologize for another song post, but right now, I'm obsessed with this song. Remind me not to watch Titan AE for a while. >.>
katiroth: (Default)
Anyway..Finals start tomorrow, and I'm going to do poorly on my Spanish one, I just know it. I think I'll get the previous chapter stuff okay, but then we have the stuff from this chapter that I don't know..like indirect object pronouns. >.< Oh, and "tener ganas de" and whutnot. B;ah. I actually did study today though, which is somewhat amazing, given my hatred of doing that. Never studied during high school, and I was still in the top 15% of my class. So yeah...SPanish tomorrow, then I'm going to cram for psych. That shouldn't be too bad, seeing as my professor will probably just take questions that were on previous tests..then in Anthropology, I'll have the study session with Marsha and Sarah beforehand, so as long as I read through the recent articles from the book, I should be okay. Speech..blah. I don't wanna think about that one. If I actually go over the study guide, I'll be fine...but going over it...sooo frickin boring. At least IDS will be insanely easy. Gee...bring a bag of chips. How...exciting. I'll bring a book too. Maybe re-read Battle Royale. (:

And I get to go home for three weeks on Thursday. I'm..not really looking forward to that. I'll bring all my games and most of my books home..and Justin'll be home from the Air Force then, so we'll be able to hang out..but still..ergh. -_- Maybe it'll be okay. As long as I don't have to clean the house before Christmas. If that happens, then I'll be pissed.

Oh. By the way, should anyone want a holiday card from me, just toss me an email or IM. (:


....ANd yes, here comes another PFR song. I had completely forgotten that I had this album, heh.

He painted 'I love you' on the bridge
Then watched them burn
She bet all she had upon the love
Now she's holding her cards And lost her turn

Two hearts in search of wholeness
Both willing to risk it all
Could true love have fled so easily
Leaving both broken from the fall

Not the love I know
It knows no boundaries keeps no record of wrongs
That's the love I know
It takes the good with the bad and it fights to stay strong
That's the love I know
This love always finds a way to carry on
That's the love I know

He sits all alone and stares into an empty sky
She goes through all her mixed emotions trying to find a reason why
Was their pride to big to swallow was their hurt to deep to heal
Could they find some understanding
Find forgiveness that's real

That's the love I know
It speaks in kindness it seeks only what true
That's the love I know
A love without condition it looks to renew
That's the love I know
It knows that when hope seems gone hope will come through
That's the love I know


The love I know comes from a Holy God to man
Isn't it time that you received it
Are you starting to understand
The love I know
Not the love I know
It knows no boundaries keeps no record of wrongs
That's the love I know
It takes the good with the bad and it fights to stay strong
That's the love I know
This love always finds a way to carry on
That's the love I know

Not the love I know
It knows no boundaries keeps no record of wrongs
That's the love I know
It takes the good with the bad and it fights to stay strong
That's the love I know
This love always finds a way to carry on
That's the love I know

That's the love I know
katiroth: (Default)
I'm still incredibly pissed, but I did find the lyrics to the coolest Evanescence song ever. :D And...blah. I hate people. I hate a certain person. Okay...so I don't hate him, but I really dislike him at the moment.


Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
katiroth: (Default)
Well...I'm tired, semi-upset, but at the same time in an alright mood. Weird, I know. So anyways...I'm upset 'cause the play's over with (I can't wear my black lipstick anymore *sniffles) and I have a low grade in English (a B) which is my best subject. Now before you tear into me for being upset over a B, lemme remind you that I am a top honors student, plus a member of National Honor Society. *shrugs*

Anyway..I'm half upset 'cause Max is sick and such. It gets me down when he's down.

So i'm going to leave ya'll with a song. For the longest time this has been my song, and it will forever be my song, though others may become another of my songs. Anyways, Worlds Apart, by Jars of Clay...is just IT.


I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart



I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart



Ugh...one more song. I'm just in a song posting mood.

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things


If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

...frail
katiroth: (Default)
AH..it's been forever since I've updated this. Oh well, live with it.


Anyways, life has been interesting. Sorta. The Jackass returned, tried to get into the sim I guru in...he got banned. Muah. I'll go into a few more details later. I'm just summarizing life right now. Um..yesterday (3-7-02) I was in Columbia MO, on a drama trip. It was incredibly cool. The stage comabat workshop was awesome, but the play..was just...totally kickass. Steve Martin wrote it...that's all that really has to be said. Um..today I got chewed out 7th hour for wearing headphones in the library...*grumbles* I was listening to classical! (sorta..LotR is close enough to classical)...that made me mad...then um...lets see...the play is going well...my mom is getting married really soon..NHS sucks, as does FCCLA...and I hate my choir teacher...and I have a new favorite song.


So..now onto details. Ok..Jason is the jackass. He's the one who A) can't take a joke, B) has an ego larger than the Sears Tower, and C) doesn't respect authority at all. He is the biggest godmoder in RP...and he's a terrible RPer to start with. So anyway, last week or so he tries to join Galactic Balance (GB for short)..I'm the force guru there. Muah. Um..back on subject. He's trying to bring in a godmoded character...we don't let him..he keeps trying more things...then he starts telling me and Sandra (the headhoncho) off...so now..finally...he's banned. *dances all happy-like*


Um..now onto my trip yesterday. It was a drama trip, the Uiversity of Mssouri hosted it, and several drama clubs from around the state were invited. SO we go..Justin and I go to the stag combat workshop...which was really kinda boring. but the play..oh the play was phenomenal. Steve Martin wrote it...it totally kicked ass. It was hilarious as anything I have ever seen. And then at the mall I picked up the new jars of Clay album..it's been 3 years since they've had a new one..and I also picked up the LotR soundtrack...as well as a spiked hemp necklace. I like it.

But the most fun came on the way home on the bus. Drama students playing truth or dare. *coughs* someone had to wiggle and make noises like a vibrator..*coughs again* then that same someone had to scream out the name of a certain video game character (Sephiroth) as though..*ahems*..I think you get the picture. It was soo hilarious. My best friend had to make out with the seat, and my other friend had to do some exotic dancing. Lemme tell ya, drama people are crazy. Muah.

Um..next topic. OH yesh. School sucks. Wlbur chewed me out for listening to my CD's when I was writing a report. Stupid jerk. It wasn't like I was even in class. We were in the damned library! So he's being a jerk....Ugh..I detest school.

And one more thing. I have a new favorite song. It's off Jars of Clay's new album, The Eleventh Hour Go buy the CD or DL some of the songs! NOW!


ANd whoa...no rants tonight...except for that slight one about Wilbur. *shrugs* Anyways...here's my new favorite song.

If you put your arms around me
could it change the way I feel?
I guess I let myself believe
that the outside might just bleed it’s way in.
Maybe stir the sleeping past lying under glass.
Waiting for the kiss to break this awful spell.
Pull me out of this lonely hell.
Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me normal.
Change this something normal into
something beautiful.
What I get from my reflection isn¹t what I thought I’d see. Give me reason to believe you’d never leave me incomplete.
Will you untie this loss of mine,
it so easily defines me.
Do you see it on my face.
That all I can think about
is how long I’ve been waiting to feel you move me.
Close my eyes and hold my heart.
Cover me and make me normal.
Change this something normal into
something beautiful
katiroth: (Default)
People suck. Simple as that.


SWTA is going down. Brandon's still incredibly um..uh..unhappy...PE still sucks....I'm still sick. Tasha and April are going to be in pain....and to top it off, I have this really really really weird feeling...a mix between anticipation and dread. It really sucks.

Anyways...enough on that.

Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Gonna run away and never say goodbye
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away and never wonder why
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away and open up my mind
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind
I wanna run away
And open up my mind



Le sigh.
katiroth: (Default)
Whoo hoo. I am in sooo much of a better mood today. Yeah, sure I almost passed out in PE, and felt sick enough to skip church, but I feel quite a bit better.

Well, last night at 10, mom comes home and starts yelling at me for being on the computer...we get into it for about an hour....BUT...because of our lil... argument.. I am getting a car, a job, an allowance, a computer, and soon a PS2. Muah. I can be so manipulative at times. But YIPPI! A car! If I had a frickin car, then I would ahve a life. but my mom didn't understand that until last night. Oh well, it's ok now.

I also decided today that I love Orlando Bloom. So dreamy...ooh..yum..er..Uh, anyways, I finally got the LotR movie guide that I have wanted for...forever..and I just spent all evening staring at him as Legolas. I almost gotta feel sorry for Orli. He goes from being a relative unknown to having a HUGE rabid fan girl base. But I love his hair. Yeah. he looks kickass with the blonde wig..but when we get to the black mohawk...ooooh....yum..erm. I really should stop that. People might think I have turned into a stereotypical teenager. one in love with a movie star.

Well you know what? I don't really give a flying rat's ass if you think I'm 'stereotypical' or not. For once I need to be normal and develop a crush on a movie star. Live with it.

Anyways, this is my song for tonight. Then I'm gonna shut up and RP.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
And I Don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
And I don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am


And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am



Now if on;y my Cloud would get his ass back in chat....
katiroth: (Default)
Another post tonight. I just got off the phone with Amy, so I feel a lil better. Talking to her always makes me feel better, since she is one of the few people I can talk to. Anyways, this is more of a song post. My song right now is Hide, by Creed. I just felt like posting it. *shrugs*

To what do I owe this gift my friend?
My life, my love, my soul?
I’ve been dancing with the devil
way too long
And it’s making me grow old
Making me grow old

Let’s leave oh let’s get away
Get lost in time
Where there’s no reason to hide

Let’s leave oh let’s get away
Run in fields of time
Where there’s no reason to hide

What are you going to do with
your gift dear child?
Give life, give love, give soul?
Divided is the one who dances
For the soul is so exposed
So exposed

Let’s leave oh let’s get away
Get lost in time
Where there’s no reason to hide

Let’s leave oh let’s get away
Run in fields of time
Where there’s no reason to hide

There is no reason to hide

No reason to hide



My song. Plain and simply.

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